These last few weeks have been pretty confusing. I don’t really know where my heart lies.
I’m scared to move further with you and scared to move further without you. It feels like either way I’m going to get hurt, but I am bringing it on myself. I think its mainly because I’m still hanging onto a false shred of hope. Somedays that hope becomes very real, only when you show me that new side of you, but then I see the old side of you come out and it scares me to no end. Why am I still so willing and attached? Its probably because I never actually tried to move on…all I know now is that I’m hurting and I don’t wanna feel like this anymore. It’s no secret I still want you…we both know it. I can’t tell you if you think you want me or if you really do actually want me… maybe it doesn’t matter. You say you miss me when I’m gone, you’re willing to take the risk of talking to me, all these different things, but at the end of the day it feels like you really don’t mean it. Like you’re just saying it to keep me holding on.
You know it really makes me feel like shit when your boyfriend hurts you and treats you like just a thing, not a beautiful girl. Because then you come to me, telling me all these things he does, has done and will do and of course me being myself, I try and consolidate you as best as I can. He talks about your friend being hot and then tells you, in so many words, that you “don’t look attractive today”. As soon as I read the text I was writing out this long text about how beautiful and amazing you are, like always.
…Iv’e been doing this for too long. I don’t know how much longer I can do this.
